Fever Dreams

I'm not asleep, but not awake either. My mind is in a haze, and I start to see the all too familiar scene. It's my greatest fear of what could happen with you. We sit together in a group of friends...as the conversation goes on, I grow more and more silent, the darkness blooming inside me. Slowly the friends trickle out, and it's just us sitting there, as is so often the case. It's one tear, and then one more, and by the time you notice I am crying so hard I can't hear. I can't see. It envelops me so much that I can only slightly feel your hand resting on my shoulder.

I think you might be asking me what's wrong. I don't know. I have no idea. I just feel the enormity of this thing whenever you're sitting there with me.

There is no one else to give this darkness to. No other home for my despair.

I cry and cry and cry and cannot give you a reason for it.

You help me home, and then days go by without a word from you.

What now?

I snap up off the couch, I shake my head and tell myself, no...that won't ever, ever happen.