You don't notice how when I know I am going to see you I get so excited that I can't sit still. I often clean the house 3 or 4 times before you even get home just because I can't contain the elation.
And every time you walk in the door and notice nothing I deflate.
Maybe I didn't do it well enough, maybe you have something else on your mind, but you always seem to have something else on your mind, am I ever on your mind? Am I ever your focus?
You're always mine.
Are we working, am I making you happy, should I leave you so you can find someone who really does make you happy?
Would you be happier if I just stopped trying?
Sigh.
Over and over again I have to remind myself not to think that you should notice the things that make me, me. You should not be endeared by my small things. You should not notice, or love my quirks. I have to be happy just to have someone around. I'm past looking for rightness and understanding. You're a warm body to sleep next to, and that is far, far better than I ever thought possible.
So why can't I stop wishing you'd see me?
I just want to stop wanting.
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