New City, Old Problems

I'm in a new city now, living with the significant other I can't decide if I love. So many things I left behind me, so many things still haunt me.

Something bad happened to me when I was sixteen. I am now twenty-three. Is it normal to still be stuck? There seems to be no way through it, or around it. Maybe I just don't have it in me to get over something like that. I was hurt. Hurt all the way through to my soul. I will not, I cannot be a part of world where that kind of hurt exists. This is not the world I expected. I expected so much brightness. I expected something genuine. Even if it means I am never happy, I will never be a part of this place.

Unless it's on my terms.

I want to be connected. I want to feel the sun on my face and not regret it. I want one day to not wound me through and through. I want rightness.

Tell me there's someone out there who can put this right. Who can make me feel worthwhile. Who can make me feel it down to my bones, this is where I should be. Right now there's no reason for anything, to do anything, to be anything...No reason at all. Here's to hoping I find a reason.